Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Jobs that I should have access DENIED.

A lot of the people here are really into doing this whole archaeology thing in the future. Like as a career. For the rest of their lives. I, on the other hand, am not. Doing Hawaiian archaeology (and dare I say any kind of archaeology) for the rest of my life would be my hell. The devil would literally be standing over me while I spent eternity screening through samples of dirt with nothing in it. But this fact (and that I asked someone to be thesis advisor and finally picked all of my classes for the fall) really got me thinking a little bit about what I might actually be capable of doing in the future. And then I started to think about the things that I most def. should not, under no circumstances, do. (Be advised that this list is incomplete, and I am willing to take suggestions of other careers that I should not pursue.)

Junior High/High School Health Teacher/Sex Ed Instructor: For starters, unless the medically accepted terms for certain “parts” (you know the ones) are “down there” and “thingy,” then this job is not for me. I blush really easily and I don’t like talking about “it” and if I do have to talk about "it" I always spell it out (s-e-x). If I was ever in a jam and teaching Sex Ed to a group of eighth graders was the only thing separating me from a homeless woman, know this. Lil Wayne would be included in all my lesson plans. (Go to 3:40 for a little preview into how I would teach my students about safe sex--- In fact, we probably would just listen to a lot of Weezy and try to get as many lessons out of it as possible (like don’t carry around concealed weapons.).

Would you really want this man teaching your kids about s-e-x?

Matchmaker: I can't find someone for myself, so what do you think makes me qualified to hook other people up? Nothing. Exactly. 

Personal Assistant: Oh! You want me to get you coffee and food and wash your clothes and walk your dog and carry all of your stuff and keep track of calendar and answer your e-mails and follow you around like a little puppy all at the same time all day every day? No thank you! I don’t even want to do those things for myself, let alone for someone else.

Pilot: The TSA/FAA wouldn't even let me finish filling out the application before they realized that that was a disaster in the making. And, add Airport Security because that job would be no fun and I firmly believe that you should be allowed to take on more than 3 ounces of fluids and I know with my luck that I would be the one that let the crazy terrorist onto the flight. 

Boot Camp Leader: No way in heck would I make some poor just out of high school kid do push ups and sit ups in the heat for hours on end while I was yelling at them. Under my reign they could stay up late, sleep in, and keep their hair the way that they want it! And then the terrorists win... 

College Professor: I know what students say about professors behind their backs, and I just don't have the nerves for that. And I would hate grading papers and I just know that all of my classes would get put in the 8 AM slot. 

Professional Wrestler: Hahahaha! Need I say more!

(and just to add some optimism) Jobs that I would be GREAT at:
- Professional doodler ( specializing in hearts, flowers, and deltas)
- Anything involving cats or cookbooks or both
- professional playlist/mix maker (or Wedding DJ)

And a little update about the happenings (but not in a day by day form because that is just too much work for me right now seeing as I wrote an eight page paper on four articles that I did not understand!): went to the Na Pali Coast at 6 AM. Sat at the front of the boat and almost fell out. Went snorkeling twice and saw some really amazing fish (especially the one that was black and blue polka-dot and looked like it was glowing in the dark). Got a cheeseburger at this one place in Waimea and it was really yummy and I am excited to move there one day and eat lots more of them. Went to a rodeo and repeated to myself every time a cowboy walked by “cowboy butts drive me nuts!”.  Went to this new sight and nearly witnessed Dr. H nearly jizz in his pants over a piece of seed shell that can be dated. Back to the cave (found coconut and Dr. B was super excited so I looked reals smart…win!). Work. Class. Quiz. Sleeping. Eating. The usual… you know. 

Cowboy butts drive me nuts! And there were people in Wrangler jeans here and I felt like I was back at home! 

Na Pali Coast! We saw dolphins on the way over!

X marks the spot at the Na Pali coast! Oh, nature! You do the craziest things!

Less than a week left here on the Garden Island... but don't fret readers! I am oddly ready to leave and start a new adventure (in the form of PA VACAY 20-10 and living at home for the first time in 4 years!)!! 


  1. Um...Answer is definitely, no, I would not like Little Wayne teaching my never-to-exist-children about sex ed, granted that he doesn't really seem to understand it himself, unless he just really, really likes kids! And I am super excited for you to be home again! We can have lots and lots of Target adventures!

  2. Huh....that was interesting, I am not really sure why Matthew was signed into his google account on my computer...but it was really me, and not him. You know how he feels about all of my comments, he gets especially confused when we are chatting and commenting at the same time...