“Why would we put Andrew Jackson on money if he was such an uber-douche?”

I repeat: “Why would we put Andrew Jackson on money if he was such an uber-douche?” Isn’t this a question that we all ask ourselves multiple times daily? No. Oh. Well this was a question that was asked in the class that I TA for. It was a magical moment; one that scares me for the future of our planet.  

Let me set the scene:

North American Indians. Talking about Andrew Jackson and the Indian Removal Policy of the 1830’s. An 8 AM class where the students usually sit quietly, and take detailed notes. Or nap.

Let me give you a cast of characters:

Crazy Annoying Always Talks in Class Girl  (CAATCG): Picture “that girl” in all of your classes and multiply by ten thousand. She always talks. Never raises her hand. And never says anything worth listening to. Also- her boyfriend is Inuit and I think that gives her an odd sense of entitlement. (It also makes me hate my life because she has a boyfriend… but I digress.)

Rodney: The professor. In his 60’s. So innocent and sweet and just the nicest, most caring man that you could ever imagine.  Just loves teaching and gets so excited. Sometimes he calls me Stacey.

Me: The TA. Sitting quietly in the corner of the room taking notes so that if a student comes to me and asks for help I might be able to have a faint idea of what I am talking about.

The Girl Behind Me: A girl. That sits behind me in class.

The Rest of the Class: The other poor schmucks that had to sign up to take an 8AM class.

Act I, Scene 1: (Some of this is paraphrased…)

Rodney: And Andrew Jackson was one of the only presidents who didn’t follow the ruling of the Supreme Court when he ordered that the Cherokee to march the Trail of Tears.

CAATCG: [Does not raise her hand. She just speaks up.] Why would we put Andrew Jackson on money if he was such an uber-douche?

[The class gasps. Everyone looks at each other in awe. “Did that just happen?” is uttered by several, including myself.]

Rodney: I am sorry. What?

CAATCG: Why would we put Andrew Jackson on money if he was such an uber-douche?

Rodney: A what?

CAATCG: A super douche bag.

Rodney: Well. I taught you guys a new term today and you taught me something. [Clearly wants to move on because he does not understand our generations way of using the phrase “douche bag.”]

CAATCG: [Refusing to let this ridiculous comment go.] I mean. We put good presidents on money. George Washington was like the founder of our country. Abe Lincoln freed the slaves. Ben Franklin…

Girl Behind Me: Wasn’t president.

Me: [LOLing] Thank you for saying that. We were all thinking it. 

And that is all Shakespeare wrote. As I read back through this, maybe this was a moment that you had to be there for. But I hope that everyone can appreciate a moment that involves using the phrasing "uber douche" in front of an entire class and professor while referring to Native American/Federal Government policies through out history. 

(Young) Andrew "Uber Douche" Jackson

Eminem made a comeback. And so am I!

I finished a whole semester of Grad School (and did I mention with straight A's?). Was it hard? Not really. Was it tedious? Yeppers. Did I learn a lot of new things? YOU BETCHA! And I made it the whole semester without blogging. Which probably affected no one, and greatly contributed to me getting respectable grades. 

There were a lot of highlights, but seeing as my mind was shut off for four weeks of winter break, and I have totally adapted to Spring Semester, I am only going to be able to remember the real good moments of fall semester and leave the rest behind. 

- On the FIRST DAY of Grad School (aka the first day of the most amazing new and life changing experience... the first day that I was going to become a new and more academic person) I tripped while trying to get out of the wrong classroom. This is a moment that I will NEVER forget. I was in the Law School (a place that I later learned I NEVER BELONG IN AGAIN) and I thought that my Native American Law class was in Room 103. I realized that it was not when all the people around me started to pull out books on something called "Torts" and that their books were red while mine was gray. While walking to the front of the classroom to ask the Professor where the F I was, a step came out of nowhere... and Grad School started off on the right foot. 

- I learned that Applebee's has karaoke on Friday nights. And that people actually name their children Lester. 

-I wrote some pretty great papers. I read some pretty eye opening books. 

-But the thing that will forever stick with me. The thing that I will tell my grandkids when they ask me about my Grad School days is this... One day. A sunny day. During the second week of school. I was sitting outside waiting for the class that I TA to start. I was reading Push (which inspired the movie "Precious. Based on the Novel 'Push' by Saphire"). And then a nice gentleman came and sat next to me. He pulled out his cellphone and placed a call. Now. I was trying to mind my own business, but I couldn't help to overhear parts. Mainly this part. “Girls be trippin’. They lick the balls, but don’t suck it.” It was at this exact moment that I knew I had come to right school and that I was in a for a semester I would never forget. 

As it turns out, I forgot most of it. But not that part. So. Thank you, sir. Not only did you teach me something that I did not know about my gender, but you gave me a moment to remember. A scarring moment to remember 

-       

I apologize in advance if you ever hear my music on the airplane.

But first… The End of KAFS 2010: We had our last “field trip” (and we all know how I feel about using that phrase). It was arguably the best "field trip," but then again our "field trips" have included an 8.6 mile hike through a swamp, reforestation efforts, and a 6AM wake up. This one was (thankfully) different. We left at 10.  Went to a scenic overlook. Went to a Heiau (Hawaiian temple ---http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heiau). Went to Panda Express. Came home. Discussed “notion site” (not gonna lie, I could have done without this part).  Studied for our quiz. Went to class. Took said quiz. Only listed two things when I was suppose to list ten (Goodbye sixteen points. Thank you reading skillz of a first grader.). Spent an entire day packing and enjoying the beach one last time. Spent another day sitting around doing nothing because I scheduled a real late flight. Oh! And did I mention that I bought the world’s largest avocado?  

Just add salt and pepper! And it was only $1...so much avocado for so little cash money!

Now... about my iPod (affectionately named Rico Suave (in memory of my first car)). 

While at the airport in Honolulu, I realized that I was tots being “that girl” that everyone was looking at and judging. I looked like the pretentious Mac user. When I wasn’t changing songs on my iPod, I was checking texts on my iPhone. And when I wasn’t downloading new apps for said iPhone, then I was typing my final/BLOG on my bright pink MacBook. Well, with all of attention on me (or so I was telling myself… I am sure that in reality no one noticed and I overreacted to something yet again) I started to worry that everyone could hear what was playing on my iPod.

Now. If you were to ask me I would tell you that I have GREAT taste in music. I mean c’mon. I have the necessary skillz to be a professional mix maker. However, others may disagree with this statement. It is more than safe to say that I have the music taste of both a 13 year old white girl (spanning several decades) and a 25 year old black man. Again, while making for (arguably) the best iTunes library east and west of the Mississippi I am not sure if all airport goers appreciate this. Especially the six year old boy that I was seated next to (but to be honest, I don't care if he was happy because he was a pain in my tushy). 

For example, on my “iPhone” mix (which is songs just for my iPhone… “that girl” coming out again) here are ten songs that can randomly come on at any given time. (and I would try to find links to all of these on YouTube, but you are all big boys/girls and to be honest, you should already know all of these songs by heart!)

1- “You’re a Jerk” ---New Boyz

2- “How Do You Sleep?”--- Jesse McCartney (not the one featuring Ludacris, but I have that one too…)

3- “I Swear” --- All-4-One

4- “Tearin’ Up My Heart”--- N*Sync

5-  “Break Up” --- Mario

6- “Everywhere” --- Michelle Branch

7- “Baby”--- J. Bieb featuring Luda

8- “Tipsy” ---T-Pain (not to be mistaken for Tipsy by Chingy, which I also have.)

9- “Do You Remember?”--- Jay Sean featuring Sean Kingston and Lil Jon

10- “One Call Away” ---Chingy featuring J/Weav

Oh. And I do have a mix titled "weezy." with nothing but Lil Wayne. (YOUNG MOOLAH BABY!)

And none of it is edited. I only buy the "explicit" version. So, sorry airport goers that had to watch the female version of Steve Jobs in Honolulu today. And sorry to the passerbys that happen to get a little sneaky peak into my current obsession with Pretty Ricky. Or should I say, you're welcome?!?!?!

17 hours in Idaho is just not enough time.

One week left. Things are getting rough. Someone (who shall remain nameless because fellow field schoolers have started to read this...SHOUT OUT!) has stopped doing their own dishes. The kitchen/entire house smells like something is dead and decomposing. I learned (the hard way) that one of the girls (again nameless, but the same one that doesn't do dishes and chews reals loud with her mouth open) here has both of her nipples pierced. No one cleans their hair out of the shower drain when they are done with it. I have become the brunt of many jokes. And I am beginning to seriously doubt my street cred to be doing anything in the anthropological world. But the end is in sight and to be fair, things aren’t quite as bad as they may sound.

Today was our last day in the cave and things were very chillaxed (which was really good for me because since seeing Inception I think that I am not sleeping well out of fear that my dreams are going to be extracted or even worse that ideas are going to be planted in my mind and I am going to end up in limbo.). We did have a little photo shoot for some Hawaiian airline magazine and I was specifically told not to pose, which was really hard for me. Then we had an "authentic luau" with Hawaiians living on the island of Ni’ihau. (For more information on this secret little island please refer to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Niihau --- and save the lecture on how reliable Wikipedia may or may not be.) Rumor had it that they were going to catch a wild pig for us to eat and I assumed that there was going to be dancing (hula=luau in my mind). However, there were neither of these things. Instead we had potato salad, rice, poi, and laulau (which did have pork, but I am not totally convinced some of the other items were authentic.). But they did sing to us in Hawaiian and that was sweeeeeet, 

 Just one more quiz, packing, a final and then field school will be FIN. Time really has flown by, but I am more than ready to get back to the mainland and start something else new and exciting (and never ever in a billion years screen clay again).

But the one thing that I am not looking forward to when I get home is the amount of errands that I have to do in the 17 hours that I have before I leave for my last summer vacay of twenty-ten. My “To Do List” is pretty long and I am sure that you want to know what is on it, and I am more than happy to share.

To Do During My 17 Hours in Idaho:

- Buy my textbooks (Now, you might be saying to yourself “Can’t this wait? Her classes don’t start until August 23^rd.” And you are half way right, but what you don’t know is that I like to buy used textbooks because they are way cheaper, but that I do not like to buy used books that have been highlighted and written in (that is something that I like to do to my books myself). This means that I have to get there early to look for the book that belonged to the kid that never opened it. This is really important, and therefore needs to be done ASAP before I get stuck either buying new books or written in books.) ---P.S. Love you lots Dad!!---

- Figure out if taking 15 credits is a good, bad or great idea. (I just realllllly want to take this one class on Idaho history and I know that I can do it and to be honest I am not going to have a life anyways (living at home with my mom and two (adorable!) cats) and I just love the Gem State sooooo much!)

- Turn in my final for one of the classes here. (While I appreciate the extra time, this does kind of mess with my summer plans and therefore I cannot guarantee that the quality of work will be the best. Ideally, I hope to complete this before I even get off of my second flight.)

- Go tanning. (Judge this all you want, but I need to maintain what I have built up here and I got me some crazy lines going on and I need to get them taken care of.)

- Figure out what being a TA really means. (and it might just maybe be nice to know who I am going to be working for... )

- and last, but really not that important, it might be nice to try to get a couple hours of sleep.  

Seems easy enough! 

We went on a hike. It was reals long... like 8.6 miles long and it was kind of cold and it was in a swamp. 

I accidentally stepped in the swamp with one foot. Good bye new shoes. It was nice knowing you when you were clean and your right one looked just like the left. (but thank heavens that I wasn't wearing the polio shoes!)

Jobs that I should have access DENIED.

A lot of the people here are really into doing this whole archaeology thing in the future. Like as a career. For the rest of their lives. I, on the other hand, am not. Doing Hawaiian archaeology (and dare I say any kind of archaeology) for the rest of my life would be my hell. The devil would literally be standing over me while I spent eternity screening through samples of dirt with nothing in it. But this fact (and that I asked someone to be thesis advisor and finally picked all of my classes for the fall) really got me thinking a little bit about what I might actually be capable of doing in the future. And then I started to think about the things that I most def. should not, under no circumstances, do. (Be advised that this list is incomplete, and I am willing to take suggestions of other careers that I should not pursue.)

Junior High/High School Health Teacher/Sex Ed Instructor: For starters, unless the medically accepted terms for certain “parts” (you know the ones) are “down there” and “thingy,” then this job is not for me. I blush really easily and I don’t like talking about “it” and if I do have to talk about "it" I always spell it out (s-e-x). If I was ever in a jam and teaching Sex Ed to a group of eighth graders was the only thing separating me from a homeless woman, know this. Lil Wayne would be included in all my lesson plans. (Go to 3:40 for a little preview into how I would teach my students about safe sex--- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rqt-5uBpMVI) In fact, we probably would just listen to a lot of Weezy and try to get as many lessons out of it as possible (like don’t carry around concealed weapons.).

Would you really want this man teaching your kids about s-e-x?

Matchmaker: I can't find someone for myself, so what do you think makes me qualified to hook other people up? Nothing. Exactly. 

Personal Assistant: Oh! You want me to get you coffee and food and wash your clothes and walk your dog and carry all of your stuff and keep track of calendar and answer your e-mails and follow you around like a little puppy all at the same time all day every day? No thank you! I don’t even want to do those things for myself, let alone for someone else.

Pilot: The TSA/FAA wouldn't even let me finish filling out the application before they realized that that was a disaster in the making. And, add Airport Security because that job would be no fun and I firmly believe that you should be allowed to take on more than 3 ounces of fluids and I know with my luck that I would be the one that let the crazy terrorist onto the flight. 

Boot Camp Leader: No way in heck would I make some poor just out of high school kid do push ups and sit ups in the heat for hours on end while I was yelling at them. Under my reign they could stay up late, sleep in, and keep their hair the way that they want it! And then the terrorists win... 

College Professor: I know what students say about professors behind their backs, and I just don't have the nerves for that. And I would hate grading papers and I just know that all of my classes would get put in the 8 AM slot. 

Professional Wrestler: Hahahaha! Need I say more!

(and just to add some optimism) Jobs that I would be GREAT at:

- Professional doodler ( specializing in hearts, flowers, and deltas)

- Anything involving cats or cookbooks or both

- professional playlist/mix maker (or Wedding DJ)

And a little update about the happenings (but not in a day by day form because that is just too much work for me right now seeing as I wrote an eight page paper on four articles that I did not understand!): went to the Na Pali Coast at 6 AM. Sat at the front of the boat and almost fell out. Went snorkeling twice and saw some really amazing fish (especially the one that was black and blue polka-dot and looked like it was glowing in the dark). Got a cheeseburger at this one place in Waimea and it was really yummy and I am excited to move there one day and eat lots more of them. Went to a rodeo and repeated to myself every time a cowboy walked by “cowboy butts drive me nuts!”.  Went to this new sight and nearly witnessed Dr. H nearly jizz in his pants over a piece of seed shell that can be dated. Back to the cave (found coconut and Dr. B was super excited so I looked reals smart…win!). Work. Class. Quiz. Sleeping. Eating. The usual… you know. 

Cowboy butts drive me nuts! And there were people in Wrangler jeans here and I felt like I was back at home! 

Na Pali Coast! We saw dolphins on the way over!

X marks the spot at the Na Pali coast! Oh, nature! You do the craziest things!

Less than a week left here on the Garden Island... but don't fret readers! I am oddly ready to leave and start a new adventure (in the form of PA VACAY 20-10 and living at home for the first time in 4 years!)!! 

Life Changing Revelation: WALK ON THE WILD SIDE!

So tomorrow we are going to the Na Pali Coast. Where/what is that you may ask yourself? Well… let me tell you!

- A very special place on Kaua'i with waterfalls and valleys and cliffs that you can only get to by boat or hiking.

- A state park that is being preserved and has lots of native stuff and I am going to get to plant a native plant.

- A place where you can go snorkeling.

- A place that is really expensive/hard to get to and it is going to fall into the ocean one day and you might only get one chance to ever go (ignore the fact that this will be my second trip there…).

Well. I am really excited about this trip and I really want to go snorkeling at least once while I am here and I really want to go at this place because there aren't going to be a million people there. So today we went somewhere that you can rent gear (about $18 for the three day period that I will need it for) and I was the only one that got some! Now, maybe other people can’t swim, so I don’t want to judge, but I realized something while I was renting my mask and fins… WALK ON THE WILD SIDE. During this trip I have done a lot of sitting on my tushy. I used to love this life style and was tots fine with it but HELLO! I am on Kaua’i where there is so much to do and see and learn and I want to do and see and learn it all! Even if that means that I have to do and see and learn it all by myself. No one is going to stop me from WALKING ON THE WILD SIDE during this field trip!

And as I was thinking about all the ways that I am going to WALK ON THE WILD SIDE while still on this little island, I realized something else… I can WALK ON THE WILD SIDE EVERYWHERE THAT I GO!! There is so much to do and see and learn every where I am! Idaho? Sure! Pennsylvania? Get ready Megan!  Random places that I decide to go in the future? You know it! No more sitting around for this girl! So...instead of being bummed that no one wants to do things with me and therefore not doing them, I am going to laugh in their faces and then head off on an adventure that Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay (the first people to successfully climb Mount Everest) would be jealous of and take lots of pictures and have the most amazing time and be the happiest girl in the world. Neal Armstrong will be turning green with envy when he hears about my new lifestyle! I used to have imaginary friends when I was little (and arguably when I was even a little too old for it to be "cute/normal" anymore) and they are all that I need to have a great time in life. They are always willing to WALK ON THE WILD SIDE with me!!

This might require me taking out a couple loans to pay for this new found life style (WALKING ON THE WILD SIDE ain't free!), but life is just too short and there are too many things that I need to do before I get too old/have too many cats. And the I have already quit napping (cold turkey) so nothing is standing in my way!

Care to join me? Let me know. You (whoever you may be) can be my P.I.C. (partner-in-crime)! I will update you on all the adventures that I take! Hikes? Sure! Snorkeling? Yeppers! Rodeos? No doubt! Triathalons? You know it! Museums? Duh! Visit all 50 state capital buildings? Get it!

I am purging all the negativity out of my life (aka people that annoy me, foods that I do not like, things that I do not want to do but feel obligated to do, clothes that look bad on me, shoes that do not fit) and I am going to have FUN FUN FUN! Good thing that I really like school (WALKING ON THE WILD SIDE NERDY STYLE!) because I still plan on finishing two masters and maybe a Ph.D, but know this! My thesis and dissertation are going to be really FUN and I am going to have one hell of a great time writing them (all 1,000 million pages!)!!!!

And a BIG THANK YOU to Jason Derulo for my new life anthem... Get it!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ESdn0MuJWQ&feature=avmsc2

Watch out world! It's time to start WALKING ON THE WILD SIDE!!

If I wasn't sure enough that I wanted to do this, this image totally made up my mind!!

"I want to WALK ON THE WILD SIDE too!" 

Necker? I hardly even know her!

Thoughts/Questions/Concerns (and of course a day-by-day!):

- Today in class we learned all about the remote Northwest Hawaiian Islands of Nihoa and Necker. And every time my professor would say “Necker” I would say (In my mind of course. You know that I don’t interrupt in class.) “Necker? I hardly even know her!” and then laugh a lot in my head at how creative I am! And then we saw pictures of some old stone sculptures of men that were found on the island of Necker (hardly even know her!) so I drew a picture in my notes. Here it is for your enjoyment: 

Oh... and not only did I think about the Necker? Hardly know her! thing... I wrote it down in case I forgot it!

- Have you ever wanted to sleep but your roomies are still awake and you feel reals bad about turning the light out and you just hope that they will get the hint and be nice and turn it off for you, but they don’t? Well… that has been the story of my life these last two nights. Grandma here likes to go to bed at a reasonable hour (read as 11 PM) but sometimes the lights don’t go out until after midnight! So I just lay in bed thinking that maybe I can fall asleep, but I can’t. And then when I wake up at 7 AM the next morning all I want to do is go back to bed.  

- PDA is G-R-O- Double S GROSS! (and I might just be saying that because I never get the chance to commit it, but if I did I would respect others and not do it in front of those that are less fortunate.)

- I am really starting to like it here (and yes, things were kind of bleak for a little while), but I am starting to get a little worried about the fact that this is a learning experience with a grade. We have a midterm due on Friday (no biggie but I turned it in today!) and then a three page paper that I have yet to start and four mini papers summing up four different articles that I still have to read and I get graded on all of them! AGH! This is so much work and did I mention that I get a grade!?!?

-  Do you think that I am going to have enough time to do my laundry after Hawaii and before I go to Pennsylvania if I am home for less than 24 hours? The washing machine better be empty and ready for a marathon when I walk in the door!

- Did anyone else think that this is what I would be doing all summer? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_fF6P_PQqQ Kind of a disappointment... not going to lie, but I WILL find some kind of really great artifact before I leave. 

- EXCITING NEWS: I plan on snorkeling Friday and then again at the Na Pali Coast on Saturday (during our special tour… VIP BABY!) and then we are going to a rodeo on Sunday! Can you say “best weekend ever”? I can!! Only thing that might make it better, COKE ICEE!

Day Ten (continued):  Eventually escaped from the house. Went to this weird beach party thing in honor of Koloa Plantation Days (It was a basically a bunch of tourists at an overpriced hotel.). Came home. Made pina coladas. Went to bed.

Day Eleven: Woke up. Lounged around in my pj’s until noonish. Went to the beach. Got rained on. Then got sunned on. Got rained on. Then got sunned on. Went home. Dinner. Homework. Bed. (my kind of day!)

Day Twelve: Back to the cave! Screened more clay (SOOOO much clay!!!!). Lunch. More clay and then (what I have been waiting for all of my life!) ARTIFACTS, SNAILS, FISH BONES OH MY!  Home. Dinner. Class (real exciting and we learned brand new data that hasn’t even been published yet...but I cannot tell you because it is kind of a big deal.). Home. Got a midterm (AGH!). Watched stuff on Netflix Instant. Bed.

Day Thirteen: Cave. More screening dirt with stuff in it. Lunch. Still screening. Home. Dinner. Baked a funfetti cake for someone’s birthday. Class (learned all about the weather here on the Islands). Home. Ate cake. Worked on midterm. Bed.

Day Fourteen: Cave. Screening. Digging (yeppers! I dug in the dirt in the bottom of the cave and I had to wear a helmet and pull out giant rocks and I did an awesome job!). More screening. Lunch. More screening. Home. Watched/Dominated Jeopardy! again (Was one episode the little kid edition? Yes. But I still got a bunch of the questions right!). Class. Watched Teen Mom Season 2 Episode 1 (LOVE!). Worked on my midterm. Finished my midterm. Sent my midterm into my professors and then panicked that I forgot to answer part of the question. BLOGGED. Made the goal that I would most def post this blog before I go to bed (ACHIEVED!). 

(Sooo many shout outs so little time: Hi Aunt Ann! Mom said that you are reading my blog…Hope that you are enjoying! Lots of love from Hawaii to Kansas City! 

And HI to bride-to-be Jill! SOOO excited for the big day in October (I'll blog about that too!!)!)

And because BFF Lauren was worried about the status of the blog after this little Kaua'i adventure is over (which is coming up sooner rather than later) CAT CUDDLIN' & COOKBOOK COLLECTIN' will go on!!! I'll make a few changes, but I know that you all want to hear about my first year in grad school and I just can't disappoint!) 

And (last thing... PROMISE!) I put a sample of this blog into thing that tells you the famous person that you write like (http://iwl.me/) and the answer is... DAN BROWN!!! But I bet that this is wayyy better than The Da Vinci Code!